When Life Happens

Sometimes life reaches out with it's greedy claws and snatches up our remaining strength at a time when we needed it the most. When this happens, even the strongest of humans will not be able to keep up with every detail of living out there day. Sometimes I cannot even keep up with the details necessary to stay sane for an hours length. When this happens, previous commitments become broken, plans fall through, people who lack understanding get frustrated with us, and in turn, we end up feeling as if we are wandering through a pitch black cave searching for the exit when in fact we are going in the wrong direction and running deeper into the madness. Now we are lost and it feels as if all of our choices were wrong, the maps we were given aren't real, we can't tell of we are living our own lives or our lives are living us and we begin to lose faith in our own judgement. These are sensations that are, surprisingly, familiar to a lot of people in the world but when you are currently in this state of hopelessness it is hard to imagine anyone living in a deeper pit then the one you are currently in. A few cheesy words that sometimes can help are "you are not alone". I promise you aren't. I understand the difficulties of believing in a statement like that in a time like this but it is something I must continuously remind myself of so that I can feel even an once of comfort in this world. I have lost touch with this blog since the day I began it and I decided that today I would give it some attention again. An update about what has been going on in my life as of lately: Last Wednesday I was discharged from the Seay Behavioral Center after being there for a total of 15 days. I had gotten to the point where I was at rock bottom and the out-patient treatment I was receiving was not enough to keep me stable. I had become extremely suicidal and got back into some self-injurious behavior that I had been successfully sober from for at least a year's length. No, I was not a chemical dependency patient although the center assists with that too. The behavior I'm referring to is self-mutilation and a purging disorder. The lucky part for me is that I had my mother and family by my side who are all extremely understanding and are always there to support me. I went to my mom, who knew how truly bleak I was feeling, and I told her that I needed more help than I was getting. She was a life saver for me and found this treatment center. This is a lengthy story so I am going to sign off for now and pick back up in the near future. Thank you to anyone who is reading this and I hope everyone that is hurting right now finds the strength within themselves to stay with me for this intense ride
called life.